Dearest Krisi, Images of Madonna filled your mind as you jerked it in high school, but you sincerely had no idea that you were a lesbian. Lesbian—it couldn’t possibly refer to you. Lesbian conjured images of unattractive women that looked nothing like me. Growing up in the 1980s, you assumed you were straight. You dated…
Jealousy is the common cold of relationships. Universally dreaded, it’s able to strike anyone at any time—usually unexpectedly, under the least convenient circumstances. And, much like the common cold, while anecdotal remedies abound, no single cure seems to work exactly as expected, every time. Worst of all, no type of person or partnership is immune…
We matched online during the lockdown, and since then we’ve had countless video calls, sending each other photos of our dinner, watching films together, virtually. Since we couldn’t progress things further in person, we’d been sharing one or two fantasies with each other, a late night steamy rendezvous with seductive pictures and dirty words. We…
Surrendering to the call of our innermost desires is the collective pulse of our humanity. Those moments when we lose ourselves in time with our partner’s tempo transports us beyond ourselves. But when penetration hurts, the transcendent potential of sex eludes you. In those moments, the body is a betrayal. Everyone else seems to lap…
While society dictates that we need to wear clothing when in public, there are a few tantalizing exceptions to that rule. And while it can be thrilling to buy a stylish, smart, or sexy outfit that looks absolutely fantastic on, sometimes all we need to do is wander around naked. Don’t fancy getting tan lines?…
We stand at the bar for 10 minutes with his hand holding my elbow as if I might run away if he lets go. We rehearse the obligatory small talk. “It’s been so long,” “god, we’re old (29 has never seen old),” “what do you do for work?” “surprise, surprise, like you were ever going…
According to the immortal bard Billy S., alcohol provokes the desire, but takes away the performance. Any guy reading this knows precisely what Shakespeare’s talking about – because we’ve all been there. Imbibing too much booze truly amps up your sexual desires, but when the time comes to do the deed, your overindulgence can leave…
Dear Younger Queer Self, Firstly, let me assure you that you will be okay. You have a bumpy journey ahead, but you will reach a place of peace and contentment and pride. So, hang on in there. I want you to know that there is no shame in desire. Whether that is desire for the…
Sex is hard to qualify. What makes it good? And what makes great sex better than good sex? How do we measure it? Is it the overall amount of pleasure? Or the level of physical excitement? Or is it the strength of the emotional connection? How about the intensity of the orgasm? Or the general…
Dear Younger Queer Self, Oh my darling, darling stubborn girl! Thank you for standing up for yourself even when you had doubts. For standing up for how you felt and for refusing to feel shame about it. Yes. Bisexual is absolutely a real thing. Yes. You are attracted THAT way to other girls and to…
Dear Younger Queer Self, I am sorry. You were but a child, praying to be seen, and yet you had to hide behind a mask of “normalcy”, a poorly painted smile on the outside, rough cuts around the eyes, thorns on the inside. I am sorry I convinced you it was dangerous to tell your…
Science is important. Sex is important. We gathered the most recent compilation of research on the compelling and magical topic of… orgasms. Orgasm Equality: Scientific Findings and Societal Implications Current Sexual Health Reports, January 2020 Findings Less than 20% of females can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone Factors that contribute to the orgasm gap include…
Hey girl. First off, slow the fuck down on the partying! You don’t need to do all your living before you hit 20! Also, I know about the cigarettes. Give them up while you still can! You’ll thank me later. Now let’s talk about you. We both know you’re not one to indulge in sentimentality.…
It’s no secret that when couples have been together for a certain amount of time , the sexual energy changes. And that’s not to say that amazing sex isn’t possible. In fact, the more emotionally invested you are, the better the sex could be. At the same time however, you may not be hopping to…
Dear Younger Queer Self, The world has lied to you all these years. They’ve coiled up the truth and twisted it into a mess of lies that makes it near impossible to find the start of it all. Let alone the truth. It’s a lie built on fear and misunderstanding. Much like many things in…
Experience pain during sex regularly can be a major obstacle to the happy development of a relationship. The anxiety of chronic pain can trigger avoidance behaviour, leading us to dodge activity that might lead to sex, like kissing, touching, or intimacy in general. Even going to bed at the same time can fall away due…
You do not have to choose a side; this is not a game of badminton, even though hiding who you are feels like a sport right now. You have been stressed out lately and feeling like an outsider. Here’s a surprise, there are more people like you than you could ever imagine. With that being…
If you follow this blog, you likely have already seen the wonderful pieces on the vagina vs. the vulva and/or on the clitoris . But I want to talk more about female genital anatomy, or the whole hooha in the all-together – clitoris, vulva, vagina, and linked uterus -, and about how that anatomy corresponds…
Dear Younger Queer Self, Your queerness will not look like it does on television shows. A group of giggly and charismatic celebrities are not about to arrive at your door and turn you into the person you long to be. You have to be your own Antoni. You have to cook yourself a nourishing meal.…
You know that feeling when you get fanny flutters and there’s just no getting past it until you rub one out? Yeah, that’s definitely not just a ‘single’ thing. Women, regardless of sexual orientation and relationship status , are masturbating . If they say they’re not, they’re either lying or they just haven’t discovered the…
Dear Younger Queer Self, The ideals of what you considered an inconsequential youth will not be lost on this world. You will be celebrated for the beautiful and intelligent woman that you have always strived to be. You will not have to sacrifice your femininity and frailty or dignity and integrity to be accepted and…
It had been a warm Summer night when we first met (isn’t it always?!). I remember the skin on my nose feeling tight from the day’s sun. My freckles were out in force. I had one of those soft grins going on that only comes with a day of drinking beers from the bottle in…
There’s no how-to guide, no roadmap, no detailed manual. Everyone’s journey through discovering their sexuality looks a little bit different, but sharing our knowledge can help those who are starting their journey, especially when it comes to coming out (to themselves and their loved ones). To commemorate the power of community despite not being able…
As difficult as it may seem, you must love yourself and believe in your heart of hearts that there will be many others who love you, too. Being authentic to yourself will bring joy into your life. There will always be times when you feel like you want to give-up or give-in. When that happens,…
Your mind and body will tell you exactly what they need. All you have to do is listen. This Orgasm Month, LELO is taking a holistic approach to orgasming in order to fight the dreaded Orgasm Gap . It’s about time we start thinking about our sexual wellness as part of our overall health and…
I shouldn’t be here. To tell the truth, I don’t know how I got here. I always found it an unnerving thing – to arrive at a destination without witnessing the journey. Tonight is different though. Anxiety fizzes beneath the surface but it isn’t the same kind. There is no heavy ball in my stomach.…
Dear Younger Queer Self, Queer looks different for everyone. Just because you don’t look a certain way, or act a certain way, doesn’t mean you’re any less queer than you feel. It’s difficult not to compare yourself to others, especially at such a raw young age, but I urge you to try your best to…
Sex is complicated. I often wonder if we knew that there were consequences up front, would we ever even bother with it at all? Some consequences are obvious: pregnancy, STIs, that kind of thing. But there’s a larger group of less commonly discussed after-effects that can undermine our sexual wellness, and because we don’t discuss…
Oh Dear, You have done it again. You have went against the grain, against the narrative. You are fifteen and can’t stop wondering why you have to like a boy. Unless you want to be called a “dyke”- although you do go through your fair share of masc haircuts/styles LOL. Thank you high school for…
Ah the Smithsonian, that age-old institution of science and reason. With an untouchable reputation for knowledge on all things natural, it’s only to be expected that within the pages of its publications you can discover anything you need to know about the natural world. As it happens, what we want to know today, is this:…
Dear Younger Queer Self, Dear little forest fae, dear big heart, dear chaos demon riddled with anxiety like the bark of a tree is riddled with insects, You know already, at 3, when you are tumbling through the woods and rivers like a little bear cub that your body is not what they say it…
Someone once told me that, after a breakup, your heart should only hurt for half the amount of time the relationship lasted. So, a two-year relationship would equal a year of mourning, and a ten-year relationship will hurt for five years. Bullshit. I had relationships which lasted months but hurt for years. There’s a girl…
Dear Younger Queer Self, One day, you won’t be afraid of people finding out who you are. One day, you’ll be proud of yourself and how far you’ve come. I know what you’re thinking when you look towards your future. You told everyone you didn’t want to get married or have kids, because you believed…
As an openly gay therapist who specializes at the intersection of couples and sex therapy, a large number of the clients I see are also gay. And one of the dynamics I often bump up against with these clients in particular is the gap between sexual and relational compatibility . Meaning that while a person…
When your mother asks you to wear a matching dress with your younger sister, don’t fight her. When the girl who spends most of her time in school suspensions calls you a freak, just smile and shrug. When the boy who had sex with his family dog calls you a freak, remember to punch him…
Is masturbation cheating? It’s one of those little questions that shouldn’t matter, and it doesn’t, until it really does. Like, ‘do we have enough oxygen?’ or ‘what happens if you cross a cat with a T-Rex?’ Despite a growing amount of flexibility in our relationships, the majority of our relationships are largely monogamous , and…
Dear Younger Queer Self, By the time you hit 30, you still won’t have everything figured out, but that’s OK. It turns out nobody else has it figured out either. By the time you’re 30, you’re a well seasoned adult who is still none the wiser. Sexuality still isn’t black and white and, unfortunately, labels…
Dear younger self, If I could offer just one piece of advice to help you navigate the road ahead, it would be this… Fuck the box. That’s it. Just fuck the box. Fuck the labels and the dogmas and the -isms that goes with them. Do your best to be the best version of yourself…
While there are many theories about when and where No Panty Day originated, this act of liberation aims to break the taboos surrounding having to wear panties in public. Let’s be real, we’ll take any excuse to get naked , but this day reminds us that it’s for good reason. Here’s how and why you…
Sex is great for just about everything. It can even make your hair glossier. But it can be hard work, and good sex requires at least some level of physicality. Today, we look at five ways exercise can benefit your sex life. Get some. Positive Body Image That moment, when you catch a reflection of…
Being queer is not a choice, but it does involve many choices. Here’s how yours turned out… When you were 9 and demanded “a boy’s haircut”, and everyone made fun of you, including your teachers at school, and you decided not to care, you were right. You went home from a day of being ridiculed,…
The social pressure to conform to conventional standards, and the sense of being different from the rest of the multitude, are sources of considerable amounts of stress for many of us. Whether it’s ethnicity, gender, sexual identity, or any combination of these things, those of us who are categorized us ‘minorities’ often feel that pressure…
It had been weeks since she first told him that she wanted to try something new. Late one night, after having finished making love, she turned to him and asked what he would think of her if she wanted to be tied up. His arousal grew instantly in that moment. In the following weeks, as…
Ok, so you’ve decided to have a threesome. Cool. The first thing I’m going to say is this: your sex life does not define you. It says absolutely nothing about what kind of woman you are or about your values and beliefs. It took me a long time to really understand this, and when my…
There are a lot of questions that arise before thinking about coming out (a metaphor used by the LGBTQ+ community referring to revealing your sexual identity) to your friends, family, workplace, etc. How do I tell them? When? What will they say? Is it even worth it? It’s important to weigh the pros and cons…
Before I put another notch in my lipstick case You better make sure you put me in my place Pat Benatar, Hit Me with Your Best Shot Shawn sat at the faux oak boardroom table in the cool room, waiting for the meeting to start. Evelin sat down across from him. He looked up in…
Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) like Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro, and many others, are antidepressants that can help treat depression and anxiety. That’s good. They’re used by millions around the world, and they wouldn’t be prescribed if their effects weren’t generally positive. What’s more, the more they are used, the more they are studied, and the…
When Harry and I first met his bicep was the size of my head, and his chest was a forest of black curls my fingers would traverse every night until my eyes turned from open to closed. The forest has thinned out within the last five years and no longer gets nightly visitors. Now my fingers are…
Let’s get straight to it… you should be enjoying (more) sex! Whether it’s for all of the added mental and physical health benefits , pleasure, or even to strengthen your relationship. But for couples who don’t instinctively ‘hop to it’ like rabbits every hour on the hour, (do these people even exist?!) intiating sex can…
May was, once again, Masturbation Month , a whole month of masturbatory glee invented in the 90s by an enviously forward-thinking sex toy store in New York. And yet, despite us having a month of open frivolity (and rampant sex toy marketing), the discussion of masturbation in public is still considered taboo. That’s frustrating for…