Let’s face it – just because it’s the holidays doesn’t mean that the super sweet carnal desire for some intimate one-on-one time with your partner (or, you know, the person from high school you only see once a year) suddenly goes by the wayside. In fact, with all the stress that the holidays bring, and the sudden influx of time with the family, it’s only natural that you’d want to sneak away from it all and snuggle up for some secretive holiday sex with the hubby of your choice from time to time. But how on earth do you get away with doing the naughty if the house is full and the attention somehow always seems to be on you?
Fear not – there are a number of ways you can get yourself out of the living room and into something more… comfortable, with your someone special in tow. Here are a few tips for getting away with getting it on.
Early To Bed… Late To Rise
If you happen to be lucky enough to be sharing a room with your special someone, hiding out in the bedroom during your off hours is the oldest trick in the book. Finding an excuse to turn in early for the evening may be your very best bet for finding time to cuddle up. Plus, with everyone else still awake to keep the festivities going, it’s less likely that someone will notice if something goes bump (or moan) in the night.
And if a nighttime rendezvous just isn’t in the cards, save your energy for the morning instead when you and your partner can accidentally “sleep in too late” because you were “just so tired” and enjoy a little breakfast romp in bed . And, hey, maybe you’ll still make it out in time for brunch.
Volunteer To Pick Up That Last-Minute Garnish From The Grocery Store
…Just don’t be too enthusiastic and make it obvious! No one feels like going out into the cold chaos of a swamped grocery store during the height of the holiday season. So do the family a favor – let them stay home and host while you go grab whatever they need. And hey, why not bring a little company along with you (ahem), no one wants to be alone during the holidays, after all.
Extra bonus? No one will question how long you’re gone for. “The traffic was crazy!” “How about those lines!” “I just couldn’t find any fresh parsley!” Just make sure your getaway vehicle has tinted windows, so you don’t get caught unwrapping one another when you finally land one of those highly coveted spots in the parking lot. Safer yet, find a secluded place to pull over and do the deed so that someone doesn’t end up getting you in trouble with Santa.
Help Out In The Kitchen… And Then “Accidentally” Spill A Little Something
You’re going to have to sacrifice a nice shirt or pair of pants for this one, but what is good sex if not a little risky? Your goal is to take them off anyway, so why not give yourself a good excuse to hurry away and freshen up a bit? The best way to work this in naturally is by helping in the kitchen.
Put on your finest white shirt and offer to stir up a little gravy or heat up some mulled wine for the guests. The darker the ingredients, the more urgent the need to rinse, right? And chances are you might just need a little help taking it off, too. And if having your partner come with you to assist is still too obvious, try coordinating your timing so that they just so happen to be off in the bathroom freshening up at the very same time. Convenient, huh?
Get In A (Fake) Fight
But you better make it look convincing. No one wants to get in the middle of a fight, and what better way to sneak off and ensure that you won’t be disturbed than by pretending to get one another particularly hot and bothered about something? Bring up a topic that no one else has much context for (or for added fun make something up entirely), throw in a few ambiguous references, and then promptly excuse yourselves once you’ve made your audience plenty uncomfortable. They’ll be glad you left, and they won’t be too keen on investigating any sounds they hear coming from your room.
Give Your Special Someone A Little Extra (Remote) Control
Can’t manage to get away long enough to really knock each other’s socks off? If you’re feeling brave, this slightly more subtle but extra naughty option might be for you. Snag a remote-control vibe and you and your partner will find yourselves with a gift that truly keeps on giving. No need to find an excuse to get away (not right away, anyhow), these nice little remote-control toys stay tucked away so that no one but you and bae will ever know what’s really going on below the belt. Just make sure not to get too carried away.
Remember, the holidays aren’t just the time for giving – you deserve to be getting some, too. And when it comes to sneaking in a little secret play time between you and your partner, practice certainly makes perfect. So be sure to set aside a little “you” time this holiday season, and jingle some bells while you’re at it.
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