PSA: You’re never too old to figure out who you are. Whether you’re having doubts about your career choice, your current partner, or your sexual orientation, you have the power to change your circumstances and opinions.
And quite honestly, I totally recommend that you do work on something that’s holding you back from living your truth. Insert cliche quote here:
“If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree” – Jim Rohn.
Right, so let’s start at the beginning…
I Think I Am a Lesbian, Bisexual, or Bi-Curious, What Now?
Right now, you’re probably feeling a bit nervous, apprehensive, scared, guilty, excited, curious, and/or aroused. You’re feeling this way because you think you may have a sexual or emotional attraction to a woman or women.
Firstly, congratulations on taking that first step in acknowledging and trying to understand who you really are! This is a big deal! And luckily, society has come a long way in terms of accepting and embracing same-sex individuals.
And so, here comes the fun part… having your first-time lesbian experience. It can be daunting, but it can also be entirely thrilling and extremely erotic. And remember, nearly every adult, regardless of their sexual orientation, has had their ‘first time ’ and it’s usually a bit of a fumble in the dark… it happens, and it’s normal.
Also, there’s no linear or right or wrong way in which to ‘be’ lesbian, bisexual, or bi-curious. You are free to take your time, speed it up, tell everybody or tell nobody.
What’s also great about having these feelings in today’s era is the fact that the world is rife with online resources, articles, and forums. This makes it a whole lot easier to connect with like-minded women and to experience a sense of acceptance and belonging.
Then, when you’re ready to act on your feelings, you’re lucky to have a slew of online dating apps (or you could do it the old-fashioned way, if you prefer).
Whichever way you choose to start experimenting, here is one of the most important guidelines that you can follow to make sure that it’s not only a pleasant experience, but also one that considers and respects all parties involved…
Be Open and Honest
If you find yourself actively looking to connect with bi-curious, bisexual, or lesbian women, letting them know that you’re new to the game as well as what you’re looking for is only fair.
It can be very misleading for women you’re talking to not to know that you’re not yet openly gay or that you’re simply looking to have your first-time lesbian experience.
And while some women may like the chase, i.e. going after straight women, there are others who are genuinely looking for companionship. If you don’t disclose your truth and thoughts from the beginning, feelings can get hurt and some may feel betrayed.
Then, once you’re ready to take your new-found relationship the next level (sexually), here’s a go-to guide to getting down same-sex style.
It’s Go Time!
You may think that because you’re hitting the sheets with someone of the same sex, things will be a lot easier… and that could be true. On the other hand however, every individual is different.
So when you’re with a new partner, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation, it’s highly likely that they’re going to like things different to that of your last partner. The secret? Don’t be afraid to ask!
First Time Fingering and Fondling
Sure, you may have fingered yourself dozens of times, but again—everyone is different. Your partner may like to be fingered fast or slow, they may like one finger or they may want more, or they might just enjoy some clitoral stimulation.
The trick is to start off slow. Take the time to massage and glide your fingers along her vagina until she’s starting to get wet. Then, place one finger inside of her and gauge her reaction. Don’t be afraid to be verbal… ask her if she’s enjoying it, and if so, you can add another finger, trying different rhythms to find out which one she likes best.
You can then go for the highly-praised ‘come hither’ motion. This is when you place your finger(s) about two inches inside of her towards the front wall of the vagina until you feel skin that is more bumpy. Once found, persist to do the hand motion. This is a great technique in which to stimulate her g-spot, but remember to trim your nails beforehand to avoid scratching.
Orgasmic Oral Sex
Again, start off slow. You could begin by giving her gentle kisses along her body, making your way down south. And just because you have a vagina doesn’t mean that you know what she will like. Some women may have a sensitive clitoris , so it’s best to start around the clit. You can do this by licking up and down the labia, then changing your rhythm to see how she likes it.
You could then either ask, or gently move towards the clitoris to see if that’s something she’ll enjoy. It’s all about verbal and physical communication… that is, asking her what she likes, as well as listening to and taking cues from her body.
Strap On: Yay or Nay?
Many believe that sex isn’t really sex unless there is penetration involved. For that reason, people often question how two women can actually have sex . The truth is, sex is whatever you want it to be. When two women are intimate with each other, this can be considered sex. You don’t need to have a penis nor a strap-on in order to call it sex.
In fact, a lot of women find that they orgasm easier simply with clitoral stimulation as opposed to penetration. That’s not to say that some strap-on action can’t be pleasurable. Again, everyone is different.
Bear in mind however, that practice makes perfect, and if you’re experiencing same-sex fun for the first time with someone who is understanding and willing to walk you through it (or fumble through it), you’re definitely on a good path to amazing lesbian sex.
Additional Tips for a Safe and Amazing First Time Lesbian Experience
Don’t Be Misled: Girl-on-girl action is not immune from STI’s. When there is an exchange of fluid, passing on an STI is possible. Using a dental dam can help prevent this. Additionally, if you’re sharing sex toys you should definitely be washing them thoroughly before they enter a new orifice. You could also use a condom on the sex toy for added protection.
Don’t Overthink It: Your first same-sex experience can be nerve-wracking but if you allow yourself to overthink, you could miss out on the many benefits of your experience. Overthinking during sex can lead to a lack of climaxing, and creating an imaginary barrier between you and your partner.
No Two Bodies are the Same: As already mentioned, it’s important to have an open mind and to remember that pleasure is subjective. What feels good for you may not feel good for your partner. Try not to feel despondent if you are fumbling your way in hopes of creating sexual bliss. Use communication and practice, and you’ll get there.
Be Proud of Yourself: Going for what you want, and embracing who you are is a cause for celebration. You should be extremely proud of yourself for knowing who you are and living out new experiences.
Think that you’re ready for your first time lesbian experience? It can be completely thrilling and arousing, so why not embrace your curiosity? Just make sure to take your time, breathe, and do what makes you feel comfortable. There are fun times ahead… get ready for the ride.
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