You can’t just tell someone to come over. You have to figure out how to ask someone to hang out over text in a way that works in your favor.

Starting something new with someone is a little scary. Hell, it’s actually terrifying. You’re putting yourself out on a limb and if they refuse you, it’ll hurt. But setting yourself up for success by learning how to ask someone to hang out over text the right way can help reduce the risk of rejection.

Because that’s why it’s so intimidating. We don’t want them to reject us. It’s embarrassing and a blow to our self-esteem. But knowing what to do and say in order to get them to hang out with you can help you avoid rejection altogether.

Giving someone a chance to get to know you is crucial

If you want to date someone, you can’t just rely on texting. You have to get to know them in person and allow them to see you in real life. People aren’t always the same as they are over text.

Which means that person might not know you as well as they need to in order to learn how great you are. You’re too limited over text. Getting them in person and in an environment where you can chat and get to know each other on a deeper level is important. [Read: 20 revealing questions to get to know someone better]

How to ask someone to hang out over text so they’ll say yes

After you’ve been texting them for a little while and have determined that you like them, it’s time for the next step. You have to learn how to ask in a way that’ll make them feel comfortable while also making them want to see you. Here’s how to do that.

#1 Work up to it. You can’t just get someone’s number and then ask them to hang out. That’s poor taste and they’ll more than likely be really freaked out. Imagine how you’d feel if that happened. You don’t even know the person yet!

You have to work up to asking them to hang out. That means having a real conversation and figuring out how comfortable they are with you first.

#2 Get to know them a bit. The best thing you can do to increase your chances of them actually wanting to hang out is to get to know them. Talk to them about everything. Figure out their likes and dislikes.

Not only does this show them you’re interested, but you can also gauge their interest by how much they’re willing to share. Plus, the more you know about them, the easier it’ll be to pick where you hang out and what to do when you finally ask them. [Read: How long does it take to get to know someone?]

#3 Keep the conversation light and fun beforehand. Before you go in for this question, get to a very pleasant place in the conversation. You never want to be serious and tense before asking someone new to hang out with you.

The happier they are when talking to you, the more likely they’ll want to see you in person. This is all about getting them to see you in a fun light. That means joking around, talking about humorous things, and even complimenting them if need be.

#4 Gauge their interest in you. You don’t want to ask if you don’t think they’re into you. This might just be the last straw for them and they’ll cut off communication altogether. But if you know how they feel before asking, it’ll go better for everyone.

You can figure this out by determining if they text you first sometimes. Do they also try to keep the conversation going by asking you questions? Do they want to know more about your life? These are all solid clues that show you they’re interested in getting to know you better. [Read: 18 obvious signs your crush likes you over text]

#5 Get a little flirty. Once you’ve determined that they actually like you and want to keep things going with you, start flirting. You definitely want to ease into this so it’s not so shocking to them.

So start small. Give them a compliment. Send something funny with a wink face so they know where our head is at. Depending on how they respond, you can increase the intensity a little bit and get playful. The more they respond in kind, the more they probably want to meet up in person.

#6 Plan for something you know they’ll like. By now you know them pretty well. You know what they like to do and that means if you want them to say yes to hanging out with you, you should plan something you know they couldn’t refuse.

If they’re a coffee junky, plan a hangout to the local coffee shop that plays live music. The point is to make sure they’d actually want to go along even if it wasn’t with you. That way they’ll be more likely to say yes and get to know you better in person. [Read: What to do on a first date to have a perfect time]

#7 Keep it casual. There’s no need to tell them it’s a date or anything like that. You don’t want them feeling pressured or nervous. That will make them wary and not as likely to want to hang out.

Keep things casual and see if they’re interested. Just say something like, “Hey, want to hang out at that coffee shop later? I heard they have a great band playing.” It’s simple and doesn’t make them think it’s a date.

#8 Don’t make it a question. Instead of asking, tell them they should come with you to something. This might not be a method that’s used a whole lot, but it should be. When you tell them they should do something, they’ll be more intrigued.

It also makes you seem a hell of a lot more confident and that alone will make them want to spend time with you. Just make sure not to be too aggressive.

#9 Ask how they’d feel about getting together. With this, you’re not asking to hang out just yet. You’re asking them how they’d feel about getting together in person.

The best way to do this is to say something like, “I really like talking to you. What do you think about doing this in real life sometime soon?” This method put a lot less pressure on them and it doesn’t make you seem desperate to see them. [Read: 12 obvious signs they want you to ask them out]

#10 Accept if they’re not interested right now. You can’t force someone to want to hang out with you. Sometimes they just won’t want to for whatever reason. If they’re showing signs of being interested in you, just give it more time.

The worst thing you can do in this situation is get upset. If you get angry, they’ll probably cut off communication right there. And if you try to pressure them, they’ll do the same. So accept it and go back to chatting as friends until they bring up hanging out.

[Read: A step-by-step guide to texting your crush the right way]

Learning how to ask someone to hang out over text in a way that’ll make them actually want to isn’t always easy. You have to think about who they are and if they feel comfortable enough with you first.