When it comes to having sex for the first time, everyone is different. But how many dates before sex should you really wait? We can help you decide.
The first time you have sex is a pretty big deal. You’re getting intimate with someone physically for the first time and that’s a little scary. You’re putting your trust in someone new. So how many dates before sex is considered the right amount?
Nobody really knows for sure. The truth is, it differs for everyone. People have their own rules when it comes to sleeping with a new person. But if you’re not sure how long you should wait, you may want to consider if you’re ready to sleep with someone new in the first place.
Some people wait a long time to have sex with someone new
There’s certainly a case for waiting a while to have sex. You can wait three dates or you can wait months before letting someone into your bed. For those that might want to wait, these are some reasons they decide not to have sex for a while when they get with someone new. [Read: Should you give in to the urge of sex on the first date?]
#1 Religion. There’s a huge amount of people who wait a while to have sex due to their religious beliefs. While many wait until marriage, others just wait a longer amount of time to be sure they love someone first.
If you’re in this category, you may want to wait until you feel comfortable going forward with it for religious purposes. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to rush. Stick with your beliefs when it comes to something as precious as your faith.
#2 Wanting to seem “proper.” There are a lot of people who want to know how many dates before sex simply so they don’t seem like a promiscuous type. They want to be seen as more proper and less like someone who’ll sleep around on the first date and so they choose to wait a while for that reason.
#3 Not wanting to seem easy. This is very much like the idea above. Because someone doesn’t want to appear easy, they wait a while to sleep with someone. They want the other person to put forth more of an effort before they get in bed.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this. However, keep in mind that you won’t appear to be easy just because you sleep with someone. And if that person thinks you are, are they really someone you want to be sleeping with? Probably not. [Read: 18 things you do that make people think you’re easy]
#4 Feeling too young. This really differs from person to person. What one person thinks is too young is a perfectly acceptable age to others. The reason some people wait is simply to mature a little more. They want to make sure they’re ready and so they wait until they age in the hopes that will grant them some sort of answer.
#5 Not trusting the new person yet. This is a pretty common reason people wait to have sex. When you’re with someone new, you really don’t know them all that well.
They could seem like a great person but you might not trust them just yet. If that’s the case, you’ll probably hold off until you know them enough to determine if you trust them fully. Because after all, you can’t sleep with someone you don’t fully trust.
#6 Not being over their previous partner. Even if you’re with someone new, you might not be over your previous partner. This is really normal and it might hold you back from sleeping with someone. There’s nothing wrong with this. Take your time and don’t move forward until you’re 100% ready to. [Read: How to get over your ex]
#7 They want to avoid the risks. As always, there are risks associated with having sex. STDs and pregnancy come to mind and even if you’re being safe, there’s always a chance of them. Many people wait to have sex just so they’re sure they want to go forward with that person because there’s always a chance of pregnancy and having to raise a child together.
Signs you’re ready to have sex with someone new
The big question here is how many dates before sex? How long should you really wait to show someone you like them but without looking too eager? In all honesty, it’s more about if you’re ready to have sex with someone new. Here are the signs you should feel free to go for it.
#1 You trust them fully. Never have sex with someone you don’t trust. You’re giving a lot to that person and you have to trust that they won’t’ hurt you in any way. If you feel like you trust them fully, it doesn’t really matter how many dates you’ve been on.
#2 You’re both exclusive.Unless you’ve both discussed an open relationship, you should wait until you’re exclusive with someone before having sex with them. This cuts down the risk of STDs and shows you both just how much you care for each other already. [Read: 15 signs you’re at the exclusive stage in your relationship]
#3 You want to. This is a really big point. Do you want to have sex with them? Is every part of you positive about it? You really have to be 100% certain you want to do it before going through with it. If that means waiting a few months and 15 dates, so be it.
#4 You’ve talked about it already. Yes, you should have talked about the sex before having it. Discuss what you both like and are expecting. You also need to discuss safety and if either of you has or have had any STDs in the past. It’s important to get all of those facts out of the way first.
#5 You’re prepared to be safe. You’re either on birth control or will be using protection. If you’re not ready to do those things, you’re definitely not ready for sex with that person. And if they refuse them, never sleep with them.
#6 You have deep emotional feelings for them. Sex can be just physical, sure. But if you’re going out on dates and want a future with that person, make sure you have an emotional connection first. Not only will it make the sex better, but you’ll be more certain of it. [Read: 8 small ways to build a stronger emotional connection]
#7 They respect you. You can’t have sex with someone who doesn’t respect you. If you do, you’re not really respecting yourself. They need to treat you right. You both have to respect each other, really. If you don’t, things could get ugly.
#8 You feel comfortable.You should really never sleep with someone if you don’t feel comfortable with it. Ever. No matter the situation, you should both feel great about the idea of sleeping with each other. Any doubts or other feelings should stop you from moving forward, no matter how many dates it’s been.
[Read: The 12 biggest consequences of having sex too soon
So how many dates before sex? There really isn’t a solid answer because each person differs. The real question should be: are you ready for sex with this new person?