Debating whether or not to be best friends with benefits is a big decision. You have to figure out if it works & if you want to risk friendship first.
People have needs. One of those needs involves something really naughty, but fun. Unfortunately, we don’t always have the luxury of meeting someone we want to date and sex toys just aren’t the same as a real person. When that happens, many turn to the idea of best friends with benefits.
You get all the perks of having sex with someone you really like without the emotional baggage. It’s perfect for people who aren’t ready for a relationship and can handle banging a bestie instead of someone they have real feelings for.
You have to be careful when feelings aren’t involved with sex
The truth is that many best friends with benefits situations don’t really work out. Emotions usually end up coming into play and both or one of the people just can’t do it anymore. It can be fun for a while but if you’re not careful and you’re not doing it with someone who can handle themselves, it might not be worth it. [Read: How to have a no strings attached relationship]
What you need to make best friends with benefits work out
If you want to give it a try, more power to you! Going into this type of arrangement can be super beneficial to both people if you prepare ahead of time. Here’s what you’ll both need to do if you want this to work out.
#1 No feelings. If you really want to make this type of arrangement work, nobody can develop romantic feelings for the other. When those types of emotions start spinning, they’ll get out of control. Having sex with someone you have real feelings for will only make them more complex and deep.
#2 Open communication. This isn’t someone you can just bang and then forget about until the next time. They’re still your best friend. You have to be open to talking about everything.
Not only will this make for better sex, but you’ll have an overall more pleasant experience. You won’t be wondering when they’re going to come around. You’ll also be able to tell them if things get too serious for you.
#3 A desire to please each other. You can’t have sex with someone who really doesn’t care if you have a good time. That’ll just make it bad for you. Even though you don’t have romantic feelings for them, you should still want to make sure they have fun in bed with you.
And that means they have to feel the same. You want to make sure you’re both putting forth effort to please the other. Otherwise, what’s the point? [Read: What women want in bed but are too ashamed to ask for]
#4 A really strong friendship. You two are friends, after all. If you want things to work out and keep your best friend after you’re done with your fun, it has to be a strong friendship. If it’s only decently fun, it won’t survive something as complicated as a best friends with benefits situation.
#5 Keep it safe. Condoms are your best friend now, not just them. You have to be sure you’re using protection and that you’re both clean going into it.
Not only will you avoid any nasty situations, but you’ll also prevent pregnancy – something that will, for obvious reasons, make your friendship a lot more complicated.
#6 Don’t go blabbing about it to other friends. It’s really up to you to decide if you want to tell people or not but it’s not recommended. When you share the same group of friends, things can get complicated when you tell people you’re sleeping together.
They can start treating you differently. Worst of all, they’ll automatically assume you have romantic feelings for each other and will continuously try to make you two see it. That can really put a damper on the fun. [Read: How to start a friends with benefits relationship]
#7 Set ground rules. You can’t go into a best friends with benefits situation without some rules. You have to decide if you’re exclusively only sleeping with each other or if it’s open game.
Also make sure you discuss what happens when you want to end things and so forth. Having boundaries is better for everyone and will help you both make the most of your romps.
#8 Don’t treat each other like partners. They’re not your partner and they’re not a stand in until someone better comes along. So don’t treat them that way. You have to stop yourself from falling into the same routine you would if you were dating each other. [Read: 10 reasons why sex can never really be just sex]
Why best friends with benefits doesn’t often succeed
Most people can’t handle a physical relationship without the feelings. Eventually issues arise because of this but if you know what to avoid, it can help your best friends with benefits arrangement work.
#1 Nothing is ever said. This refers to just about everything. Nothing is said when you’re having sex in order to make it better and you don’t talk about issues if they arise. Keeping your mouth shut isn’t the best when you have this type of arrangement.
You have to know when they need space and even if they want to do something else. Without being able to talk, this just won’t work out. [Read: 7 reasons women don’t understand men’s communication style]
#2 Disrespecting boundaries. You set your boundaries for a reason. They’re there so you can make sure nobody is getting hurt. When one or both of you isn’t respecting what the other person has said, things will go downhill fast. Not only will the benefits be over, but the friendship might be, too.
#3 Losing the friendship. Half the fun of being best friends with benefits is that you actually enjoy each other’s company. If you let sex ruin the good times you have that aren’t sexual, the entire thing will be out of whack.
And when the benefits stop, you’ll end up losing a friend. Maintain the friendship by not changing anything else. Just because you’re having sex doesn’t mean everything is different. [Read: 10 surefire ways to stay friends after having sex]
#4 Everyone finds out and treats you differently. You can certainly let people know you’re sleeping together, but it’s not a good idea. A lot of people treat those having sex a lot differently – especially in your friends group. When this happens, you’ll get annoyed and want to end things so it’ll stop.
#5 Someone can’t handle it. Sex complicates things immensely. Even if you follow all these rules, one or both of you can slip up and not be able to handle it. And when that happens, you’re better off just stopping everything. No good will come from one person not being okay while the other is just fine.
[Read: 16 annoyances of long-term FWBs
The truth is that best friends with benefits relationships can certainly work out if you know how to go into them. Follow these tips and you’ll have all the sex without the struggle.