When we are in a healthy relationship it feels like the best thing in the world. Having someone there that we can confide in, and share special memories with makes us feel like we’re on cloud nine. But, how healthy is the relationship? One thing I’ve noticed with relationships is one person tends to forget about him or herself. They get so caught up in making their partner happy, that they stop doing what makes them happy.
There is nothing wrong with putting your all into a relationship, but often we stop doing what made that person fall in love with us to begin with. I’ve experienced this first hand. In one of my relationships I became so caught up in pleasing my partner, I forget about myself. The things I use to do for myself before we met, I stop doing. I use to go out with my friends, and do anything I thought was fun. After being with my ex for a while everything became about what he wanted. I didn’t do anything outside of work without him. One day he told me that he saw a change in me, and I didn’t pay it any attention.
Many people face this problem in relationships, and I don’t think we notice it until we’re not in the relationship anymore, or it starts to push our partner away. Both happened to me. For one, it’s annoying to be around someone that only finds happiness in doing things with you. They start to feel as you’re weak, and in a way you do become weak. That person now has power over you to determine if you’re going to have a good day or not. It should never be that way in a relationship.
I found out the problems that come along with loosing yourself in a relationship cause when I was no longer in that relationship. I found myself unhappy, because I was so use to being with him, and doing what he wanted to do. I didn’t know what made me happy anymore. It also becomes harder when you are with the person for years. You have to find out what brings you joy again.
So, where do you start? Take a time out from relationships to focus on you. What we often do is jump right back into dating. Which is not always a good thing. Mostly, we are doing it because we don’t want to feel lonely. That’s a recipe for disaster if you don’t know how to put yourself first. You might end up in a relationship with a person that is willing to take advantage of that. If you’re still in a relationship where this is happening, talk to your partner. Discuss something’s that you would like to do on your own, or with your friends. Your partner will support you, and it will make your time together even more special.
Brenda is a 22-year-old college student. She is a counseling major with the hopes of becoming a therapist. She has always loved to write, and recently started to blog. She strives to help others through her writing. Brenda writes about issues such as gaining self-esteem, and learning how to take control of your life, just to name a few. We at SM really appreciate her contribution ans wish her continued success! To read more of her blogs, visit http://www.bretells.com.