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Science does not play a big role in the subject of love. Some researchers recognize love as a reality while others consider it to be a fantasized construct to give a meaningless life meaning. The renown Harvard sociologist, Pitirim Sorokin, in his book The Ways and Power of Love explains: “Sensate minds disbelieve in the power of love. It appears to us something illusionary. We call it self-deception, the opiate of people’s minds, idealistic bosh, unscientific delusion.”

My post focuses on this illusion of “Falling in love.” Many people mistaken real love for the emotions felt when they fall in love. Love is not some magical astrological phenomenon. Falling in love is all a mind game. The feeling of falling in love can be best explained by Pavlov’s Classical conditioning. First I want to apologize to all the men and women who feel they have fallen in love. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but your “falling in love” is more like you have been gamed.

Allow me to explain how conditioning a person to feel in love works.

Thomas takes Jane out on a date. Jane already has high expectations for her first date since most of her first dates of been exciting and a pleasure. Thomas takes Jane out to eat. Jane loves to eat, so naturally, Jane is having a wonderful time=pleasure. Thomas continues to take Jane out to do all the things she likes: shopping, eating, and other fun activities. All of the things that Jane likes to do are associated with pleasure in Jane’s mind. Soon Jane’s mind will be learning and conditioned to associated Thomas with pleasure.Jane starts to feel pleasure just by being with or thinking of Thomas. Now, when Thomas calls or stops by, Jane feels pleasure and starts to think that she is falling in love.

What can we learn from this explanation? The next time you feel like you are “falling in love” make sure your mind isn’t playing tricks on you. Especially for the ladies who tend to me a little more emotional than men, don’t confuse feelings of pleasure with love. The only way you can tell real love is if it stands the test of time.

Love isn’t something you fall into. Love is something you grow in.Real Love is demonstrated and nurtured with pleasurable things, but it is tested with difficulties and challenges as well.

A philosopher, musician and poet, Rey Benoit, states, “Love is the involuntary recognition of virtue and integrity in another.” I encourage you to think outside the box and mind games when thinking about love, and consider deeper things as mentioned in Rey’s quote.

Follow up on my sequel Growing in Love.

Be blessed, spread love,
Kim