Orgasming without any manual stimulation of your genitalia might seem like a mission impossible, but in reality, it is an attainable skill for all genders, and even if you don’t succeed, it can help you gain more control over your sexual energy.
Let’s start by clearing one thing up – hands-free orgasm is not strictly a mental skill, it requires really strong pelvic floor muscles (also known as Kegels or PC muscles) and, like many other advanced sexual skills, it should start with lots of repetitions of Kegel exercises.
The paradoxical thing about coming “hands-free” is that it requires you to tone down the desire to come. It may sound like a zen quote, but orgasm usually comes to those who are not driven by a desperate desire. So, if you are reading this because you just want more orgasms with less effort, you might get disappointed – we have actually previously made a case for orgasming less and it is also worth mentioning that being very orgasmic can sometimes be a curse instead of a blessing. However, what this technique can give you is an impressive control over when and how you let go.
If you’re still with me, let’s take a look at how to build the practice. Aside from the exercises, there are a few useful preconditions that can help you get hands free. One is that you like and practice long edging sessions. To be honest, everyone who knows anything about sex knows edging holds the key to all of its secrets. The edge is a high-energy state of trancelike sexual plateau which, if you can maintain it, enables you to enjoy sexual ecstasy for hours. However, once you slip over the threshold of orgasm, everything is over in no time and, regardless of how happy and relaxed you might feel, you and your partner will either fall asleep or wake up to the reality of lying in a wet puddle, painfully aware that it might be a wise choice to wipe off and urinate.
The second useful precondition is that you abstain from orgasming on a regular basis. That can of course pose a problem if you are not single and it demands honesty on your side and some level of understanding on your partner’s. Luckily, you are still allowed to have karezza sex, which is a heavenly way to fuck and can keep your partner fully satisfied even if they are somewhat vanilla.
For step one, lie down either undressed or in some loose clothes that will allow your vagina to breathe, or leave enough space for an unrestricted erection. You should be fresh and fully sober, so choose the time of day when you usually feel the most active and abstain from any intoxicants. Take some time lying down, eyes closed, relaxing completely and observing your breath. Don’t let your mind slip into any sexual mode just yet.
When you feel pleasantly relaxed, start concentrating on the feeling in your genitalia. Start by just observing if you feel anything down there. Take your time, explore the feeling. Imagine your sexual organs filling with blood. With your eyes closed, try visualizing either your penis getting erect, or your labia and clitoris filling with blood and your vagina opening up, getting moist.
Once you establish a definite response between your legs (which might take from one to many sessions) so you can willingly control the blood flow to your sex organs, you can start engaging your Kegel muscles. If any frustration appears in any part of the process, just abort the session. You can try again later when you feel more relaxed, or try again tomorrow. And if you don’t want to call it a day, you can just pump some Kegels to build strength and endurance of your sexual muscles. But you definitely want to avoid establishing a negative response cycle – the point of this endeavour is to learn how to relax and feel in control of your sexual response, not simulate bad sex without a partner.
When using Kegels, it is all about rhythm, so find the one that works for you and align it with relaxed breathing. You will want to achieve a fully balanced inhale and exhale; of equal length and with an equal number of Kegel contractions.
Abstaining from coming and a steady practice will eventually bring you to the very threshold of orgasm, only to discover that last mile might just be the longest one. The typical response cycle goes like this: whenever an orgasm comes within your reach, the body tenses up, your breathing becomes unsteady, and the orgasm slips away.
Accept it and just try to remain as relaxed as possible for as long as possible. If you don’t succeed to orgasm over a week or two, you can add a little cheat.
Next time you get close to an orgasm, add a passive toy (one without a battery and without direct stimulation of the clitoris or glans). It can be Kegel balls, cock ring, buttplug or any other toy of your own choice. With a nice relaxed attitude and some luck, it will likely take you over the edge.
If so, congratulations – it might not be an achievement to chat about during your office coffee break, but it is nevertheless a unique accomplishment and a huge step towards sexual mastery.