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In my opinion, women can have it all — whatever they want to have, that is: a career, babies, no babies, friendships, marriage, polyamory in lieu of marriage, girls-only orgies, whatever. The one catch? When it comes to sex, when your schedule involves a 6:30 a.m. cycling class and concludes with 9 p.m. dinner reservations, finding the energy to have sex after a long day often seems harder than getting up after the third press of the snooze button.
You know the feeling: You’ve finally gotten home and flopped down on your bed, half-asleep, thinking “Yeah, I could have sex right now, but I don’t feel like going all out.” Throw in a scheduled Tinder date or live-in partner providing welcome-home kisses, and you may feel additional encouragement to find the energy to have sex when you’re feeling lazy.
Of course, it’s totally fine to feel completely lazy and “ugh” about sex on a day you’ve sat around all day binge-watching Law and Order: SVU. Feeling too tired and worn out for vigorous, effortful sex isn’t simply for the over-scheduled. Plus, if you’re just too tired for sex, period, then there’s no reason to feel compelled to get it on – like I said, women can do whatever the hell they want.
However, if you want to get laid, but for whatever reason — whether it’s a pizza-induced food coma or a hard day of hustling — you’re feeling too exhausted to put much effort into it, we’ve got you covered. Here are seven tips to help you bone down and get off when staying put on the couch seems more appealing than anything that requires breaking a sweat.
The gap between what we learned in sex ed and what we’re learning through sexual experience is big — way too big. So we’re helping to connect those dots by talking about the realities of sex, from how it’s done to how to make sure it’s consensual, safe, healthy, and pleasurable all at once. Check out morehere.
Invoke the power of the vibrator.
It’s amazing how rapidly one can go from zero to “do me” with the aid of a vibrator pressed against their clit.
As one woman told Refinery29: “I lie there lazily like a dead fish and let it do the work.”
Confession: I did not want to have sex with my partner on his birthday this year. My lack of libido had nothing to do with him, but rather, the mass quantities of gnocchi followed by crème brûlée we consumed at his birthday dinner. So as I lay in bed digesting, to help overpower the carb-induced sleepiness, I pulled out my Lelo Alia vibrator and gave myself a head start as my partner sat on our couch simultaneously digesting. With the aid of the calming, yet powerful, vibrations, after a minute or so, I was so close to coming that I summoned the birthday boy into our bedroom to finish me off with oral sex. I had one of the most intense orgasms of my life, and then returned the favor (it was his birthday, after all).
When you’re stuck in a food coma (or any other type of sleepy, yet horny, state), using sex toys is a perfect way to get the orgasmic ball rolling.
If there’s one thing pleasurably comparable to sex (macaroni and cheese aside), it’s getting a massage. If you’re feeling lazy, yet being touched also sounds nice, a slightly sneaky use of role play I like to employ is erotic massage.
The scene: Your partner is all geared up to go (and perhaps annoyingly dry humping you) while you’re just trying to catch up on How to Get Away With Murder in bed. Aerobic sex seems out of the question, but staying in bed and enjoying a nice massage? Hell yeah. Close the computer (Shonda isn’t going anywhere), and ask your partner to play masseuse with the option of providing a happy ending.
“The sexiest thing my partner can do for me is to just touch me all over,” one woman recently told Refinery29. “Just the attention he gives me by touching me all over is such a turn-on that it instantly gets me in the mood.”
Indulging in some potent marijuana may seem counterintuitive when combating laziness for the sake of getting laid. However, cannabis research shows that the psychoactive can act as a powerful aphrodisiac.
As Spectrum Boutique Founder Zoë Ligon wrote on Refinery29, “When I’m aroused while I’m stoned, it feels as though my mind is able to zero in on all the individual muscles in my vulva that are specific to achieving orgasm.”
And she’s not alone: A 1982 study found that not only did weed act as an aphrodisiac for around 70% of people observed, but 81% said that sex felt even better while high (this included both men and women).
If you live in a legal state and are interested in enhancing both libido and sensation without the psychoactive effects that come with smoking, vaping, or eating an edible, try the cannabis-based intimate oil Foria (side note: I’ve found the cannabis-based lubricant to be especially enjoyable for anal sex, but since we’re talking about boning down while lethargic, let’s start with the easy stuff).
Dirty talk might just be one of the most powerful, underrated sex tricks. When you’re the one fired up, and your overworked and exhausted partner needs convincing, try whispering filthy fantasies into their hardworking ears. If you’re the one that just got home from a long day at the office and needs encouragement, simply tell ‘em: “Talk dirty to me.”
“Even when we say the most mind-numbingly stupid things during sex, let’s be honest — somehow, they sound hot,” Courtney Trouble, feminist porn director, once told Refinery29. “I think it’s because you’re connecting with your partner on another, very real level that’s separate from the physical sensations you’re experiencing together.”
Not sure what to say? Trouble recommended simply verbalizing what you’re doing, like: “I am kissing your breast, your thigh…your skin feels so nice.” You can find more dirty talk tips here.
Porn exists to turn us on. It’s also a fabulous method of foreplay.
“I like to watch porn as a reward after a hard day at work,” Tina Horn, author and host of the kink podcast Why Are People Into That?, recently wrote on Refinery29. “Porn is perfect for the lazy afternoons when I’m horny and feeling like thinking about nothing but sexuality.”
Indeed, porn’s not for everyone, and some critiques of racism and misogyny within the industry are valid. Yet, thanks to filmmakers like Trouble, there’s truly something for everyone, from queer-friendly films such as “My Best Friend’s Perfect Pussy” to BDSM-themed gang bangs filmed in the dungeons of the Kink.com headquarters. And there’s no shame in indulging, especially if you’re feeling comatose and your libido needs a jumpstart.
An outdated understanding of sex is that it must involve penetration. If two (or more) people are enjoying one another’s genitals for the purpose of pleasure, it’s sex. And if you’ve just got off work, swung by the grocery store to pick up dinner, and then managed to squeeze in a run, the further exertion of full-on penetration may simply require too much energy. Mutual masturbation, or lying next to your partner while both touching yourselves, can be an exciting option in this type of situation.
While mutual masturbation may invoke memories of a high school health class teacher giving safe sex tips, it can actually be totally hot. Try lying next to your partner in bed, and watch one another masturbate. Seeing each other touch yourselves may be so erotic that you end up having penetrative sex after all. But keep in mind that there’s so much to be learned by watching each other — you can pick up tips and techniques on the way your partner likes to be touched.
The best part? After you both come, feel free to let that sweet post-orgasm oxytocin lull you both into a much-needed slumber.
If you spent your Sunday morning mastering handstand Scorpion in yoga class, then waddled your way to and through a boozy brunch, by the time you’re home and ready for lazy Sunday sex, you might not be up for the flexibility of the Kama Sutra Lotus pose (although I highly recommend trying it when you do feel up to it).
Keep it simple with relaxing positions that offer extra support, like assisted missionary. This one is just like the standard missionary position, but the receiver puts a pillow under their butt to allow for deeper, more intense penetration (and hopefully a quicker orgasm). You can also try tired doggy position, in which the receiver lies face down with pillows under their pelvis to prop up their butt. Then, their partner rests on top of them and enters them from behind, either anally or vaginally
Still too much? I saved the final tip on how to have mind-blowing sex while feeling lazy for last: Lie back and be on the receiving end of oral sex. Sometimes, it’s okay to be selfish.
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