As the Bloodhound Gang reminded us in its hit 1999 song, we “ain’t nothing but mammals.” That doesn’t just mean we’re warm-blooded and feed our young during gestation — it also means that, whether we like it or not, we produce a lot of fluids. Most of the time, we keep that fact relatively secret, but it’s harder to hide during sex. From squirting to ejaculation and menstrual blood, there are plenty of liquids that can make sex a big, old mess. So why not embrace it?
Ahead, we’ve rounded up 30 tips on how to deal with — and enjoy — the messes that accompany sex. We’ll discuss the wonders of squirting, how to handle period sex, and all the wonderful fluids that we can bring into the bedroom. Lubes, foods, oils, and more might add to your cleanup, but they can make already-good sex great.
At the end of the day, very few things in life are tidy, so there’s no need to try to make sex one of them. Click through for your primer on embracing messy sex.
Touch base with your partner.
It’s a well-known sex truth, but it bears repeating: Communication is key, especially if you don’t normally have what could be called “messy” sex. This doesn’t have to be a big conversation, but it’s probably a good idea to sit down with your partner (in a non-sexual setting) to discuss your expectations before you get dirty.
Photographed by Erin Yamagata.
Embrace leakage.
Don’t forget that your vagina is not a Ziploc bag. Translation: Fluids that go into it are bound to leak out it eventually. We’re going to cover all the wonderful ways you can deal with that leakage, but the first step is simply accepting it.
Make your peace with unexpected messes.
While we’re on the topic of acceptance, keep in mind that you can’t prepare for everything. Even if you didn’t set out to have intentionally messy sex, messes happen. When these moments arise, bodily fluids don’t have to be gross.
But have a plan if you end up in over your head.
Even if you’ve enthusiastically submitted to all the messes that can and do come with sex, what’s the harm in having a backup plan? Establish boundaries (or safe words, if you want) with your partner if you’re concerned. Figure out where you personally need to draw the line and share that with your partner during your pre-messy-sex conversation.
Photographed by Natalia Mantini.
Experiment with lube.
This is one of the simplest and safest ways to add a little mess to your sex. There are countless varieties of lube out there to test-drive and we’re willing to believe there’s something out there for everyone.
Photographed by Kate Anglestein.
Know that coconut oil can be a great lube option, but there’s a catch.
Coconut oil is often praised as a “natural lube,” and you can absolutely try it out if you’re interested, but only under the right circumstances. Dr. Jen Gunter says to avoid it if you’re using latex condoms, since that combo may cause the condom to weaken and break.
Taste-test some flavored lubes.
Trust us, just because you’re making a mess doesn’t mean it can’t taste good. More on that later.
Go beyond lube.
By no means does the world of sexy liquids stop at lubes. Try a stimulating butter or massage oil to play with different sensations while getting dirty.
Photographed by Megan Madden.
Make your massage into a game.
Ready to get creative? This card game centers around massage oil, determining how you use it and where you put it on your partner.
Play with ice-cold temperatures.
Ice cubes may be a go-to for those looking to try out messier sex, but that’s only because they work. Break them out during foreplay for some seriously intense temperature play and don’t sweat it if they melt on the bed — water’s stain-free, after all.
Proceed with caution if you’re using candle wax.
On the opposite end of the temperature spectrum, there’s candle wax. We don’t mean candles that melt into massage oil — we’re talking about straight-up wax, which can feel great if you enjoy a little pain with your pleasure. And if you’re comfortable relying on redditor advice, Reddit user dragon_lady explains what types of candles may work well for wax play.
Photographed by Anna Alexia Basile.
Know how to clean your toys.
Acquaint yourself with your sex toys’ materials and how to clean them before adding them to the messy mix. Some toys are made with porous materials, which can easily absorb bacteria if you don’t clean them regularly.
Photographed by Megan Madden.
Explore sploshing.
Meet the sexual fetish in which getting as messy as possible is kind of the point. Sploshing falls under the fetish category of “Wet and Messy” (WAM) play and consists of partners slathering each other in different food products for the sensations they create. Trust us, there’s a lot to explore.
Photographed by Mike Garten.
Know that certain foods should stay off-limits.
Let this WAM expert shatter the whipped-cream-during-sex trope — apparently, it’s far from the steamy-and-tasty sex accessory pop culture makes it out to be. As the redditor writes, “Sure, you see it used all the time in porn and what not, but what they don’t show you is how smelly it gets when left on the body for too long.”
Contain your sploshing.
If you’re planning on getting majorly messy, in true WAM fashion, consider getting a kiddie pool. It may seem weird to use one indoors, but you’ll be saving your carpets from stains from ice cream, Dr. Pepper, or whatever else you happen to enjoy including in your play.
Sit on some cakes.
This niche form of sploshing, known as cake-sitting, is pretty self-explanatory. Bake a big, ooey-gooey cake and park your naked self on top of it. After all, when was the last time you sat on something as exciting as a baked good? It can be straight-up art.
Photographed by Danny Kim.
Learn about squirting.
One small study found that most of the fluid that comes out when a woman squirts is urine — but squirting isn’t as simple as that. For one thing, women who can squirt assert that it’s more than just letting a little pee out during sex. For another, all women don’t squirt the exact same substance. At any rate, we know that it’s a sign that a woman is enjoying herself, and there’s no better reason to make a mess than that.
Know that ejaculation is different from squirting.
Unlike the fluid that a woman squirts, female ejaculation is a thick, milky substance that comes from the Skene’s glands inside the vagina. What makes squirting and ejaculation similar is that they’re both normal responses to orgasm.
Change your position and location if you need to.
In a discussion thread about dealing with the mess that comes with squirting, Reddit user etcetcetc00 recommends sticking to areas with easy-to-clean floors (tile or hardwood come to mind) and trying positions that minimize mess, like standing doggy-style. And hey, even if this doesn’t cut down on cleanup time, it sounds pretty hot to us.
Get comfortable with period sex.
You don’t have to be a ride-or-die bloodhound, but period sex can be great if you’re open to it. One study even suggested that your comfort level with period sex could have major implications for your sex life overall.
Photographed by Kate Anglestein.
Try a menstruation barrier.
If you aren’t ready to deal with the full mess of period sex (which, of course, varies depending on a woman’s flow), a menstruation barrier might be right for you. This is a soft cup that blocks off the cervix to facilitate relatively clean period sex. This can be a great way to test the waters.
Know that there are all-natural menstrual barriers, too.
This lengthy Reddit thread sings the praises of sea sponge tampons, which are apparently aces at preventing leaks during period sex. Unlike other menstrual barriers, you can actually reuse sea sponge tampons for up to six months.
Remember: Period stains are not the end of the world.
If there’s one mess that isn’t worth feeling self-conscious about, it’s your period. Believe it or not, amid all the wives’ tales and urban legends, there are a few tricks to cleaning menstrual blood stains that really work.
Photographed by Tayler Smith.
Neither are semen stains.
As crusty and sticky as cum may seem, there’s usually a way to scrub it out — though you may need to use a little elbow grease.
When in doubt, throw down a towel.
Ask anyone about having messy sex and this is what they’ll tell you — for a good reason, too. Towels are washable, easy to toss down wherever you are, and you almost definitely have a few that are too ratty for normal use.
Photographed by Brayden Olson.
Do it in the shower.
The tub can be a hot spot for some steamy foreplay, a refreshing wind-down, or the main event. Whether you’re worried about your period, squirting, or any other fluid, it’ll all go down the drain eventually. As Reddit user fsckit put it, “Fuck in the shower, that way it doesn’t matter what drips where.”
Photographed by Brayden Olson.
Get a liquid-proof blanket…
The internet is brimming with well-meaning recommendations of cheap shower curtains, picnic table covers, and even tarps as messy-sex barriers. These are fine if you aren’t picky, but we’d have to go with a throw that was actually made to catch sex liquids. Sure, it’s a tad pricier than those other options, but it’s a great investment if you find that you can’t get enough of the messy stuff.
…Or scope out your pet store.
This clever trick, though not as luxe as a throw, gets a mention for its creativity alone. Reddit user bloomingpurplerose suggests using a puppy pad (which are intended to train puppies to pee outside) to absorb any fluids — slipping a sheet over it for comfort and ambiance makes it a truly inspired hack.
Create art.
When using body paint, the mess just about upstages the sex itself. We suggest starting with a kit from Love Is Art to make a one-of-a-kind painting, using just a canvas, body-safe paints, and your bodies.
Be aware that messy sex can be dangerous.
This depends on the fluid. Make sure you know what’s in anything you’re using on your body, keep super-sugary substances far away from your genitals and educate yourself before engaging in anything new or unfamiliar (bloodplay comes to mind).
Messy sex can be some of the greatest sex you have — just make sure to prep, plan, and don’t stress.
Photographed by Rockie Nolan.
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