Kudos To >> http://www.refinery29.com/funny-sex-stories?utm_source=feed&utm_medium=rss
If there’s one thing that feels better than an orgasm, it’s probably laughter. That’s why sex becomes extra special when something undeniably hilarious happens.
Sex can often be fun, but what makes sex actually fun ny? Knowing how candid people tend to get on Reddit, we visited the site to find out what real people cite as their funniest sex stories. And, as we expected, they did not disappoint. From spontaneous bodily sounds to unexpected fluids to a couple of way-too-friendly pets, these stories put our own sexual crack-ups to shame.
If you’ve ever had an awkward moment or surprising interruption mid-coitus, let these anecdotes of sex gone hilarious remind you that a little chuckle is sure to defuse the situation.
Ahead, we’ve rounded up 30 of Reddit’s most LOL-worthy sex tales. Click through for some seriously steamy laughs.
“One time during sex, my S.O. and I tried to do the ‘roll over while still boning’ thing to switch positions from girl on top to missionary. We both went for it, but somehow we tried to roll opposite ways, and his rolling managed to send me flying completely off the bed, caught air and everything. There was about a three-second silence before we both just broke down laughing.”
—Reddit user catatronic
“A few years ago I was having sex with my then-girlfriend. She was being rather noisy, and her roommates were home, so I told her to just bite my hand. She bit it. I ended up with six stitches.”
—Reddit user Samanthais
“I was having sex with my girlfriend, doggy-style, and pulled out. There was a plastic ring around my cock. She said it was her birth control thingy. I felt like I had won a carnival game.”
—Reddit user Makapepa76
“My girlfriend lives in Brooklyn but was raised in New Jersey. While having sex, we could hear a few people out on the street talking about their apartments and rent (her room is about half a level above the street, so no one could see in the windows). At some point one of the men in the conversation said ‘I’ve only been to New Jersey twice and that was two times too many.’ My girlfriend, while on top, turned towards the window and silently gave the man the double bird, then continued on.”
—Reddit user virgilijus
“When I first started using a flogger on my partner, I accidentally whacked him across the face… Whoops. When we first tried using candle wax, I burned him. He has a little scar on his chest now. I feel so abusive. He laughs every time it’s brought up. Just about every experiment we’ve had together has been hilariously awkward.”
—Reddit user Frozen-scumbag
“I lost my virginity to a guy who wasn’t circumcised. Not a big deal, but he was a virgin too. A couple minutes in, he thrusted a little hard, and it forced his foreskin back, ripping it from the base of the head back. It started bleeding profusely.
“He ended up having to go to the hospital and getting five or six stitches in his dick, which resulted in an inch-long scar. They say you never forget your first time…and he sure as fuck never will.”
—Reddit user Palejolie
“Does dislocating your kneecap mid-thrust count as hilarious?”
—Reddit user testsubject28
“This happened back when my husband and I were first dating. He was spending the night, maybe for the third or fourth time. I woke up from some unsettling dreams and rolled over to cuddle with him.’I had a bad dream,’ I say to him. He rubs my arm a bit and sleepily says, ‘Oh yeah? I’m sorry.’
“‘You know what makes it better?’ I ask him. ‘Hmmmm?’ I squeeze him a bit tighter and rip a giant fart. I’ve always had problems with that filter that normal people have, that filter that keeps them from doing the things their cave-dwelling ancestors did with impunity. I didn’t think; I just did it. Then I’m mortified!
“Suddenly I’m completely awake and aware of the fact that this guy I’ve only been dating for a short time but am really falling for is lying next to me in silence because instead of saying something like, ‘The thing that makes it better is waking up next to you’ I just squeezed him and farted. So much for being ladylike. So mortified.
“Then I realized that he’s silent, but that’s because he is laughing so hard. He loved it. I was so relieved. And now, five years later, he’s still putting up with my crude and uncouth behaviors.”
—Reddit user Bubbo
“My boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was on top of me. He leaned down, so our stomachs were touching. Somehow, the suction between our stomachs created this loud, embarrassing farting sound.
“We’ve been together almost three years, so we just had a really good laugh and went back to the sex.”
—Reddit user beesknees19
“I had just had some truly awesome sex with my high school boyfriend (after high school, summer after my freshman year of college) in his basement. We were naked and panting, literally just finished. Suddenly the door opens, and in the .75 seconds it takes for a person to get from the doorway to being able to see the couch:
“He shoves his pants under the couch and grabs a sleeping bag and pulls it over himself to pretend he is asleep. I shove my bra and shirt into the couch and pray the rest of my clothing is out of view, and leap across the room behind a large armchair.
“His brother comes down, does a load of laundry, and goes back upstairs. It takes about six minutes, an endless eternity where I am buck-naked behind an armchair, praying it isn’t his mother and that whoever it is won’t try to move about the basement because ‘behind a chair’ is a toddler-level hiding place at best.
“And! To make things even better, I was on birth control, so we weren’t using condoms — so I’m clutching my lady parts trying to keep from dripping our sexy juices all over the carpet, because they have a black goddamned carpet, optimum for displaying sexy stains!”
—Reddit user InfinitelyThirsting
“I have the tendency to squeeze my pelvic muscles (really hard) during sex and the guys really [like] that. I must’ve squeezed way too hard, because the condom stuck to me as he was thrusting in and out. After we were done, he pulled out, and there was no condom on his dick…
“We freaked out for a sec, and I was like ‘Are you SURE you put one on?!?!’ and then I realized (lol) and dug my fingers in…really deep too…and pulled it out.”
—Reddit user Y_x_n
“I dated a guy who owned a pet ferret. He liked to let her out of her cage so she could get some exercise when he was home. One night he had let her out and while we were having sex, I suddenly feel this cold, wet nose on my thigh. Guess she had gotten a little jealous that her man liked me more than her and wanted in on the fun. He was so embarrassed, poor guy.”
—Account has been deleted
“I had the Nigel Thornberry sound as my text tone and forgot to turn it off.”
—Reddit user PedroAlvarez
“My ex used to tickle me all the time as foreplay. I guess he just liked the way I squirmed when he did it, but I would always tell him not to. I HATE being tickled since I’m soooo sensitive and I lose all control of my body when it happens. Anyway, he was on top of me tickling me one time and I lost control and kneed him in the balls. TOTAL accident, I swear. It put an abrupt end to our foreplay.”
—Reddit user Energirl
“When I made my girlfriend at the time squirt while not recognizing that her phone was on the bed and she had accidentally dialed her aunt with her ass so her aunt just got a very graphic message on her answering machine.”
—Reddit user schwitz
“I started dating this girl in my earlier 20s. We went to her house, one thing lead to another, and we began to have our first sexy times together. It was a hot summer day in a shitty apartment with no AC. All the doors and windows were open. We were going at it, and that’s when I (quite happily) found out she is a screamer. It was intense and passionate; we lost ourselves in each other… About halfway through, a neighbor suddenly shouted out, ‘Get enough for me too girl!’
“We erupted into laughter for a long time. It still makes me giggle.”
—Reddit user ProjectMiral
“I was making out with a guy, pre-sex, hot and heavy, and my nose ring fell out and went in his mouth. I laughed for about 10 minutes and then we just continued on. It was the funniest thing and I am still laughing about it.”
—Reddit user Cosmotk
“When our son was around crawling/pulling up age, hubby and I were going at it on the couch. Our couch is fairly low to the ground, so the kiddo decided that right then was as good as any time to climb up on the couch. He jerked the blanket off, grabbed his dad’s ball sack, and promptly fell off the couch, balls still in hand.”
—Reddit user Beainainaess
“I’d just started dating a girl. I’d been drinking and smoking, and I’d popped in a piece of gum so my breath wouldn’t stink when we made out. After some smooching, feeling up, and whatnot, I went down on her. Then we had sex. The next morning, when I was taking a shower, I noticed some white, sticky stuff on my cock. Not cum. It was thicker and tackier. I thought maybe it was some weird discharge from her. I cleaned it off, and then business as usual. After a few months of dating, she confessed to me that the day after our first encounter, she’d found the same thing in her pubic region. It was my gum. Apparently, when I was eating her out, the gum in my mouth got stuck in her pubes.”
—Reddit user Revjeremyduncan
“My buddy was having sex with a girl when he remembered something he wanted to tell her earlier that day. So he leaned in, in the middle of sex, and whispered (likely in a heavy, panting, sex voice), ‘Did you know that Tony Danza had a talk show?’”
—Reddit user RMC89
“This probably isn’t the most embarrassing, but I know I will never forget the time I swallowed and there was so much semen that it came out of my nose. Ugh that was such a weird feeling. At least he didn’t notice.”
—Reddit user Oh_My_Sagn
“Me and my girlfriend were fucking in our apartment’s gym showers, and an old lady came into the room. We were in a stall, but we still freaked out, and we both slipped, and I came at that exact moment, and it shot into my girlfriend’s ear and onto the shower nozzle, which caused my cum to spray all over the place and mix in with the blood that was coming from the back of my head. Both my and my girlfriend’s clothes were outside of the stall, and the old lady was standing outside. We started laughing our asses off, and then our clothes were just chucked over the door on top of us, and the lady shouted from the other side, ‘Fucking kids.’”
—Reddit user Jumbalayajenkins
“Had my hair tied in a bun, with a hair band with fake hair on it wrapped around to make my hair seem longer. Like this so it looks like a messy bun.
“The guy I was with thought it would be a good idea to grab my hair whilst we were doing it and got a bit of a shock when it just fell off in his hand. When I say ‘bit of a shock’ I mean he yelled ‘Arghhhh, what the hell?!’ and threw it across the room whilst I almost died with laughter.”
—Reddit user TheRecklessOne
“The first time I had sex after giving birth my partner made me cum and I shot breast milk into his face. No one ever warned me that could happen. I was mortified, he thought it was the coolest thing since squirt guns.”
—Reddit user local_area_woman
“My wife wanted to recreate a video she saw online, where a guy picks this girl up above his head, sits her on his face, and eats her out. I’m a weight lifter and she’s tiny, so it wasn’t really too hard for me. We get down to it, I get her into position and brace her against the wall because no way can I hold her for the entire time. As she gets close to coming, I lift her up off the wall, take a step back, and well…14 years of college between the two of us and we couldn’t figure out that it was a bad idea to try that in a room with a ceiling fan.
“She was fine, it caught her on the shoulder and she fell right onto the couch, but we were both laughing too hard to continue any time soon.”
—Reddit user Malpine1
“My girl asked me to role-play with her. She was the patient and I was the doctor. She starts off, ‘What would you like me to do for you, doctor?”
First thing that comes out of my mouth: ‘I’m gonna need you to fill out some paperwork first.’”
—Reddit user pumaRAWRR
“Having really good sex, the small bullet vibrator we were using somehow made its way further in than it was supposed to and got stuck. Took about 30 minutes to fish it back out. It was on the entire time.”
—Reddit user elliebug
“One time I had just gotten back from the dentist and my mouth was still numb. We were switching positions and as I swung myself over his legs to get on top, out of my numb mouth came a flying gob of drool…all over his face.”
—Reddit user Surra_day
“One morning after we were taking our time getting out of bed, and were naked from the night before. I sat on top of him for a bit, and eventually I started casually playing with his dick. After a few minutes I was suddenly inspired to grab it like a stick shift and start changing gears, complete with car noises. First, second, third, fourth, fifth; then, I shifted it into reverse and made car crash noises. Thankfully he found it really, really funny.”
—Reddit user Love_is_hard
“Just finished sexin’ and took off condom and put on floor (in some tissue). We were cooling off and she noticed that her dog had got to the condom and lapped up almost all the cum. I laughed a lot. She did too after a bit.”
—Reddit user ZombieLannister
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