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It probably doesn’t come as a surprise that sexting can be great for your relationship. Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a while or you’re just starting something new, sending flirty, dirty messages is a great way to spice things up and keep them fresh — especially if you and your partner are long-distance.
If you’re not sure how to start (or continue) a sexting session, though, it can be difficult to overcome the initial awkwardness. That’s why we turned to sex therapist Vanessa Marin for tips on how to bite the bullet and get started.
“People might think, ‘I don’t know what to say’ or ‘I’m not creative,’ but you don’t have to dive in with all these kinky, dirty things,” Marin tells Refinery29. It’s true that sexting can make people uneasy, but it doesn’t have to be daunting: It can be playful and silly. “Find a specific language you feel comfortable with,” Marin says. “If you’re not comfortable with being too explicit from the get-go, that’s okay — just start slow. I think the best way to get started is just by looking at examples.” In that spirit, Marin shares her favorite sexts to get you going. Click through to view them; then, send your favorite to a very lucky recipient indeed.
“Tell me what you think about when you touch yourself.”
Why it works: As far as getting started goes, this is a great way to set the mood.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.
“I want you to tease me until I can’t take it any longer.’
Why it works: It’s like they say — you can’t get what you want unless you ask for it.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.
“Let me watch you touch yourself.”
Why it works: As Marin tells us, this kind of text allows you to relinquish just enough control — and the results could be mind-blowing.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.
“I love when you talk like that.”
Why it works: The cardinal rule of sexting applies here — be responsive when our partner sexts back.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.
“I’m touching myself right now thinking about you.”
Why it works: If you need a conversation starter, this one builds the fire of anticipation and can jumpstart a foreplay session.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.
“Get on your knees.”
Why it works: A little assertion can go a long way in getting your partner hot and bothered.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“That turns me on so much.”
Why it works: Feel free to use a more specific variation of this text — it never hurts to let your partner know exactly how you feel.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I’m going to make you come so hard.”
Why it works: It’s a promise that you’ll actually want to be held accountable for — and hopefully, your partner will reciprocate.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I’m going to make you beg for it.”
Why it works: Seduce your partner with the promise of what’s to come.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“Remember the time we did _______?”
Why it works: If you’re nervous about how to get a sexting session started, this text will clue your partner into your intentions without being too specific.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters.
“Your body looks incredible.”
Why it works: A big part of sex is making your partner feel good, so if you’re not physically there, it pays to kick things off by paying him or her a compliment.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I just got out of the shower.”
Why it works: It’s a mental image that your partner won’t be able to get out of his or her head.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I’m getting so antsy just thinking about seeing you later.”
Why it works: If you’re looking for a sexting ice-breaker, this is it. It’s simple, yet effective in building anticipation, making it a great starter.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I’ve got a surprise waiting for you.”
Why it works: It almost certainly provokes a response to get the session going — who doesn’t want to find out what the “surprise” is?
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“It’s too bad you’re not here right now.”
Why it works: It’s the perfect segue into describing (in as much detail as you like) what would be happening if your partner were there right now.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I want you / I need you.”
Why it works: It’s straightforward and direct without being explicit, leaving room for you to elaborate on exactly why you want/need your partner.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“Get over here right now.”
Why it works: It conveys all of your “need-you-now” passion in just five words.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“That feels so good.”
Why it works: It lets your partner know what works for you.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I can’t get enough of you.”
Why it works: This text tells your partner just how much you want him or her, without getting too specific (great if you’re shy).
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“What else will you do to me?”
Why it works: It’s playful, it’s teasing, and it encourages your partner to keep going.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I can’t get last night out of my mind.”
Why it works: Invoking steamy memories is a foolproof way to get the fire going again.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“Tell me more.”
Why it works: If you’ve gotten a sext that leaves you a little tongue-tied, this is a great way to keep the conversation flowing.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“Your clothes are coming off the second you get through the door.”
Why it works: It’s clear and direct, but not explicit — in case you’re not ready to go there yet. Although, feel free to go into detail about what happens next.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I’m going to let you do anything you want to me.”
Why it works: The implications alone will get you both revved up.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I’m too busy tonight. You can’t have me until tomorrow.”
Why it works: Is there anything hotter than a good tease?
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
“I want you to boss me around tonight.”
Why it works: If you don’t know how to get started, this one is a great way to set the tone.
Illustrated by: Abbie Winters
Want more bedroom banter? Watch couples discuss their sex lives on “How Two Love.”
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