Mastering the art of giving “sexy” gifts is not something that comes easily to most. Well, alright, it doesn’t come easily to me or anyone I’ve ever dated. The first time I ever attempted a present of the R-rated variety was in high school, when I went to Spencer’s Gifts (not a great start) and bought a pair of fluffy, cherry-red handcuffs. Once I mustered up the courage to hand them over to my then-boyfriend — still in their Spencer’s bag and several days after his birthday — he promptly snapped them onto his own wrists with excitement.
“Oh,” I remember thinking disappointedly. “How do I tell him I actually want him to use them on me?”
And it wasn’t long before I learned that being on the receiving end of a misfired token of affection is equally as disheartening. To date, I’ve received lingerie in a baffling array of sizes, candy underwear that seemed suspiciously pre-nibbled, and one toy that was, frankly, so enormous I shrieked in fright the moment I saw it.
Long story short: I’ve learned through a whole lot of trial and error that the best way to find something you and your partner will both actually be excited about is to shop for your gifts together. Not only does scrolling through erotic merch provide a natural way to talk about fantasies you’d like to explore, but it also serves as a sort of pre-foreplay-foreplay that’s bound to get you excited to unwrap your new wares. Call your partner over to your screen right now, and check out a roundup of our favorite partner-friendly gifts.
Whether you’re new to roleplaying or a seasoned bedroom actor, replenishing your costume collection is always fun. This sheer number is so damn pretty, you might even end up wearing it out of the boudoir with a slip underneath (or not, your call.)
Narcisse Transparent Maid Costume, $355, available at Narcisse.
Photo: Courtesy of Narcisse
Nipple Clamps
Nipples can be an extremely sensitive erogenous zone for many people. If you’re both game to explore, pick up a pair of nipple clamps with rubberized tips and little bells (cute!). You can even take turns trying them on.
Purple Passion Adjustable Tweezer Clamp with Bell, $15, available at Purple Passion.
Photo: Courtesy of Purple Passion.
Vibrating Couple’s Massager
I have a theory that one’s choice in vibrator is directly linked to one’s sense of self-worth. That’s why after my last cheap plastic toy died on me (at a very inopportune time, I might add), I decided my next buy would be worthy of the job.
While you can certainly use this 24K gold-dipped beauty solo, it’s designed to be worn internally during intercourse, thus providing increased vibration and sensation for you and your partner. Think of it as a way to show your S.O. — and yourself! — how much you care.
LELO, $399.00, available at LELO
Fancy Condoms
You know what’s sexy? Wild, uninhibited playtime without fear of STIs creeping in to spoil the fun. Shopping for luxurious condoms with your partner can also help to reframe contraceptives in your mind as a treat, not just a necessary precaution. These particular condoms feature interconnected hexagons on the surface to supposedly offer a more “sensitive” sexual experience.
LELO, $34.90, available at LELO
Secret Toy Set
Add a sexy twist to the time you and your partner spend apart by picking out unassuming toys together, like a lipstick-shaped vibrator and discreetly packaged Ben Wa balls. Pair the toys with choice sexts, and you’ll find the time before you see him or her again to be unexpectedly stimulating.
LELO, $99.00, available at LELO
Quality Lube
If your partner isn’t woke about lube yet, now’s the time to introduce him or her to what’s arguably one of the sexiest and most versatile accessories out there. BabeLube is water-based, latex-safe, and by far the smoothest and least sticky formula I’ve ever experienced. It’s also a nice “stocking stuffer” to pair with pretty much any other item on this list.
Babeland, $5.00, available at Babeland
Bondage Restraints
Thinking about introducing bondage into your routine? Consider these easy-to-use restraints as a silky, smooth introduction for you and your partner. You’ll get the experience of being restrained without risking rope burn.
Babeland, $65.00, available at Babeland
Harness & Dildo Set
Gifting your partner a strap-on without any previous discussion can be… a gamble. If they’re not into it, you’ll likely be in for a very awkward gift opening and a hasty return. To avoid this scenario, broach the topic while you scroll through Babeland’s extensive toy catalog.
Babeland, $110.00, available at Babeland
Butt-Plug
While plenty of people enjoy anal stimulation, it tends to be a topic that mainstream sex talks avoid. So if you can’t bring yourself to say the words “play with my ass, please” aloud, drop a major hint by adding this sparkly little number to your shopping basket.
Narcisse, $95.00, available at Narcisse
Glass Dildo
This princess-worthy glass dildo is simply too pretty not to share with a partner. As an added bonus, it’s highly temperature sensitive, meaning you can either give it a dip in warm water or pop it in the fridge for a few minutes for added sensation.
Narcisse, $68.00, available at Narcisse
Erotic Massage Deck
There’s no clearer (or less subtle) way to say “please massage me on the regular” than gifting a deck of erotic massage cards that list out 50 different strokes and techniques. In the spirit of sharing, divvy up the deck and go stroke for stroke.
Narcisse, $14.95, available at Narcisse
Position Of The Day Playing Cards
Attempting to try out new positions in bed can sometimes feel technical and overly complicated, especially when you’re maneuvering into formations that seem to involve far too much bending. Grab a cheat sheet in the form of these position-of-the-day playing cards, and take on “The Accordion” and the “Standing O” with confidence.
Babeland, $7.00, available at Babeland
Massage Candle
The best thing about buying this massage candle together is that you’ll be able to assuage any burn fears, and assure your partner that it’s specially formulated to melt at a cooler temperature. When you drizzle it onto your partner’s back, it turns into a silky oil that pairs perfectly with, say, a massage deck.
Bijoux Indiscrets, $15.55, available at Bijoux Indiscrets
S&M Costume Gear
Getting into a dominatrix headspace is easier with the help of a few (vegan) leather accoutrements. Confirm with your partner that they’re interested in getting bossed around, and then build your fantasy costumes together.
Bijoux Indiscrets, $65.00, available at Bijoux Indiscrets
Edible Body Paint
Though ’90s teen movies would have us believe otherwise, food and sex are not always a good combo. Your sheets could end up stained, or you could get uncomfortably sticky in the process, not to mention the infections that come from sugary substances finding their way into places they should not. Instead, gently steer your partner in the direction of an edible body paint made especially for bedroom play. The chocolate option is actually delicious.
Oral Sex Lip Gloss
Learn from my mistake: If you don’t tell your partner that you plan on wearing a tingling gloss while going down on them, they may freak out and assume they are having an allergic reaction, effectively killing any sort of sexy mood. Clue your S.O. in by picking out the gloss together, and treat him or her to a (pleasant) surprise the first time you wear it.
Bijoux Indiscrets, $15.00, available at Bijoux Indiscrets
Lingerie
In theory, expensive lingerie sounds like a perfectly safe, failure-free gift. In actuality, most people are rather particular about their underwear options and like to confirm the size, cut, and fabrics they’ll be expected to wear. Window-shop various styles together instead of winging it, and put on a fashion show once you’ve found your mutual favorites.
Journelle, $149.00, available at Journelle
Chakrub Dildo
Without context, presenting your partner with a pricey, phallic stone might come off as a strange move. Once you share the merits of this majestic dildo, though — think next-level smoothness, excellent weight, and crystal healing powers, to name just a few — they’ll be intrigued. If you can, try and visit a boutique that sells Chakrubs, so that your partner can see and feel just how special the product is.
Chakrubs, $179.00, available at Chakrubs
Flavored Body Oil
Unlike body paint, which is safe but not specifically formulated to be used internally, this “body topping” is designed to serve as both a lubricant and an oral sex enhancer. I know it might sound like a gag-gift reminiscent of Jessica Simpson’s once-great edible empire, but my coworkers and I taste-tested a ton of different lubes, and this one was the easy winner.
Booty Parlor, $32.00, available at Booty Parlor
Elevated Loungewear
Ornate, underwire-y lingerie has it’s place, but there’s something unexpectedly intimate (and sexy) about your partner helping you chose loungewear meant more for Netflix-watching than stripping off. Anouk bralets fall in that sweet spot that’s both comfortable and cute.
Eberjey, $65.00, available at Journelle
Collar
Discovering that you and your partner are both into S&M is exciting, partially because it opens up a whole new world of gifts and accessories to test out. Some might not be into a collar or leash, so triple-check that your partner feels comfortable crawling around at your whim.
Sian Hoffman, $70.00, available at Sian Hoffman
Partner-Controlled Vibrator
The coolest thing about this partner-controlled vibrator is that it doesn’t require a remote. Instead, your S.O. can download an app and switch on the vibrations no matter how far away they are. I highly recommend you slide it into place directly after purchasing, and enjoy the most stimulating commute home of all time.
LoveLife by OhMiBod, $129.00, available at OhMiBod
Striptease Tassels
Treating your partner to a striptease is one of those things that looks seamlessly hot in movies, but proves hard to replicate IRL. Case in point, my last attempt ended with me standing in an all-too-well-lit room, awkwardly trying to shimmy off a romper while my partner looked on in embarrassment, clearly trying to figure out why I’d randomly started disrobing.
Avoid such horrors by starting the conversation ahead of time, and picking out your “costume” with your partner. These tassels just so happen to be adorable and easy to pull off.
Bristols Six, $26.00, available at Bristols Six
Partner-Controlled Butt-Plug
Letting your partner control the sensations you’ll be experiencing — in this case, seven different levels of vibrations — requires open communication before, during, and after sex. Talk through boundaries and safe-words when you first make your purchase, stay vocal as you give it an inaugural test run, and talk through what you liked best (say, which level of vibration) after the fact. Building this sort of open dialogue makes letting go and letting your S.O. take a dominant role so pleasurable.
Je Joue, $82.00, available at Amazon
Vibrating Cock Ring
The first time I ever presented my partner with a cock ring, it didn’t occur to me that intense genital vibrations might be an entirely new experience for him, because — unlike most women I know — he doesn’t use a vibrator to aid masturbation. Spare the surprise factor and explain how to use the ring while buying it. This way, you’ll both enjoy the intense sensations.
Je Joue, $109.00, available at Je Joue
Boudoir Portraits
While trading selfies and Snapchat nudes is always fun, opting for a professional photo session that’s less ephemeral makes for an unforgettable experience. Brooklyn’s SHAG boutique offers erotic photography packages spanning from PG-13 boudoir shots to full-on, delightfully pornographic fetish shoots, depending on your comfort levels.
Photography via SHAG.
Adult Museum Tickets
If you don’t consider a trip to the museum a particularly sexy experience, you’ve never taken a stroll through the wondrous Museum Of Sex. Treat your partner to a day pass, and spend the time learning and exploring all things sex. An added bonus? The gift shop is stocked with erotic merch.
Museum Of Sex, $18.50, available at Museum Of Sex
Spa Day
Just take my word for it when I tell you the Aire Ancient Baths make you feel like you’ve been plucked out of your real, mundane life, and dropped into an exotic romance novel…in a good way. A day pass at any of the locations grants you access to multiple baths and steam rooms, all of which are softly lit by flickering candles. Heavenly.
Aire Ancient Baths, $77.00, available at Aire Ancient BathsPhotography via Aire Ancient Baths.
Sexy Happy Hour
Do words like “dildo” and “butt plug” make your palms sweat? Remember that there’s nothing wrong with adding a little bit of dutch courage to your shopping experience. Babeland stores across the country host free events that are part whiskey or wine tastings, and part sex-tip workshops.
Burlesque Show
For couples who are more apt to spend money on experiences than physical things, two tickets to a burlesque show is an instant way to set a mood for your whole night. The Poetry Brothel combines erotic spoken-word performance, dancing, and theater. You’ll leave feeling cultured, horny, and probably covered in a thin layer of glitter.
Feather Tickler
A softer side of S&M focuses less on whips and floggers, and more on feather-light tickle torture. This tends to be an extremely polarizing sensation — some find it instantly arousing and some can’t handle it — so take a trip to the store to test it out before committing.
Good Vibrations, $10.00, available at Good Vibrations
One Night At A Hotel
Booking a hotel room in a city you already live in is a sexy, decadent move that everyone should enjoy from time to time. If you live in a city with a nearby Standard Hotel, download the One Night Standard app, and you’ll be alerted whenever prices on same-day rooms drop. No roommates, no neighbors, no making the bed. The ultimate gift.
One Night Standard, $, available at The Standard
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