If you’ve never been monogamous before but looking to settle down, you may have to learn how to be in a relationship. Here’s where you can start.

Not everyone goes through life having been in a monogamous relationship. Some people don’t even start until they’re fully-grown and ready to settle down. But those people find a lot of trouble being with someone and committing. Learning how to be in a relationship is a perfect place to start if this is you.

Being monogamous, contrary to popular belief, isn’t exactly natural for humans. Our natural inclination is to spread our DNA all over the place. And being with a single person doesn’t exactly do that. However, it’s still how we’ve chosen to be and live our lives. It’s just not always easy if you’ve never done it before.

Being monogamous is about more than just staying with one person

It’s a commitment. You’re basically telling someone you like them more than any other person out there and so you’ll only be intimate with them. It’s an extremely valuable, precious thing.

But if you’ve never been monogamous before, it can be difficult to understand this meaning. You probably think you just stay with one person and that’s it. Sure, that’s what it seems like the but the basis of it is much more important and valuable. [Read: How to define what monogamy really means]

How to be in a relationship when monogamy is foreign to you

It’s okay if you’ve never been in a serious relationship before. But you may be freaking out because you’re just not sure what to do. That’s where we come in. Here are our best tips for learning how to be in a relationship when it’s something so new to you.

#1 Ease into things. If you’ve never been in a relationship and you jump in one with someone you’ve only been on a single date with, things will be hard. You have to move slowly. If you don’t, you could end up really freaked out by the commitment initially.

So explain this to them and just take it easy. People are a lot more understanding with someone who’s never been in a fully committed relationship. Talk it out and keep things moving at a slower pace for a bit. [Read: How to take it slow and set yourself up for success]

#2 Get to know that person fully. This kind of goes hand-in-hand with taking things slow. You really want to be certain the person you’re entering into a relationship with is the right person. So take your time and get to know them on a deeper level before committing. This helps you be certain and less afraid when you finally do.

#3 Don’t let them pressure you. This is the worst way to enter into a real relationship. You can’t let them give you an ultimatum or force you. If anything, they should be far more understanding of your situation.

Learning how to be in a relationship for the first time isn’t a quick process. Pressuring you into it will only lead to a fear of commitment on your end. Don’t let it happen.

#4 When you do commit, mean it. This is extremely important. Only you know when you’re ready and if you commit and don’t actually want to, it’ll end in horrors. If you can’t be faithful or don’t want to be, then don’t lie and say you’ll commit. Just be honest and save you both the hassle of heartache. [Read: 13 hard challenges of being in a committed relationship]

#5 Never slip up. Once you’re in a relationship, that’s it. You’re in it and you can never slip up and be unfaithful. Doing so will only bring hardships down on both of you and probably end the relationship.

So always be loyal. It’s not hard if you actually want to be with that person. A relationship is more meaningful than you probably realize at this point and loyalty is at the core.

#6 Communicate as much as you can. If there’s one thing you take away from this, it’s that relationship take communication. You have to talk to each other about what’s working and what’s not in order for it to succeed.

Meaning, if you’re feeling a little iffy about things because they’re so new, tell them about it. If you’re unsure about something because it’s foreign to you, ask about it. It’s okay to be ignorant as long as you’re willing to ask and try to fix stuff. [Read: 14 steps to better communicate in a relationship]

#7 Know that it does take a lot of work. Relationships aren’t easy. They’re not like what you see in movies. You have to actively try very hard to make things with if you want that person in your life. If you’re not ready to work, a relationship isn’t for you.

#8 Showing appreciation is immensely undervalued. One of the best ways to learn how to be in a relationship is to prioritize being grateful for what they do. Be appreciative no matter how small the favor. When you continuously recognize when someone did something kind and sweet for you, they’ll keep doing it – so long as you’re doing the same. [Read: 16 ways to show appreciation for someone you love]

#9 If you’re having trouble, speak up. Things will be harder for you than it is for them if they’ve been in relationships before. They know the ins and outs and you’re a newbie. It’s okay to tell them when you’re struggling with something. Just don’t lash out. Keep it calm and controlled.

#10 Never shield yourself off. The biggest mistake people who have never been in a committed relationship make is hiding themselves. They don’t give their whole selves to their partner and that causes a lot of issues.

They can tell when you do this and it hurts them. You have to be willing to be open and honest about everything. They’re with you because they care about you. Let them care about ALL of you.

#11 Enjoy the little things. Don’t forget to enjoy the small, cute moments in your relationship. It can be easy to get caught up in the fact that you’ve never been monogamous but it’s actually very easy. Take some time to just not think about it so you can enjoy those little moments that’ll mean the most. [Read: All the little things in love that make romance better]

#12 Trust fully. It’s hard to go into a relationship trusting someone fully when you’ve never been in one before. And the thing is, you probably haven’t been in one because you might have some trust issues.

Go into the relationship trusting fully. This person really cares about you and isn’t going to hurt you. Remember that and it’ll help you learn to trust more. Having trust issues won’t do either of you any good.

#13 Remember that it’s a partnership first. This is teamwork. It’s not about you just trying to get by with someone else. You are in this together and that means if you’re struggling, they’ll help pick up the slack and vice versa. You are a team and a partnership. Remember that you’re not in this alone.

Learning how to be in a relationship when you’ve never committed before can be a long process. Just remember to be patient and communicate as much as you can, and you’ll be just fine.